Welcome to my subconscious, wherein I will show you a preview of my continuous thoughts. First, I’ve been thinking about my twenty-peso bill. It’s the only bill on my purse, and for everyone’s information, you can buy a cone of Cornetto ice cream on twenty-peso bill. But that’s not the point. I noticed that there’s a group of people at the side Manuel Quezon’s portrait on the bill, and I don’t know the story about it. Sorry of I don’t make any sense here. Then I remembered that I’ve dreamed about twenty-peso bill in the weird way. Manuel Quezon’s face is different, there. I don’t know what the significance of that matter is. Hmmmmm.
Next thing is being in a commitment. Actually, I’ve been contemplating on this matter for a short while. I’ve never been in such matter, though I went out with few guys. Although media is making friend-with-benefits-no-string-attached a mainstream lifestyle, I make sure that it’s not affecting the way I make decision. Like it’s oh so freaking bum to do such thing. Sometimes things didn’t just work out between me a dude, or on the other hand, some guys are being such a combination of asshole-jerk-douchbag, which makes the scenario a lot complicated (plus me being Miss Complicated). Like if I ever been in a relationship, I want it to be for real. I’m not collecting hang-ups here. And I know that a hand fits between the spaces on my fingers. Call it whatever you want, fate, soul mate, destiny, serendipity, yeah whatever, if I want it to be a real deal with a guy, I will walk seven kilometer to his house, rain or shine, or make some silly DIY for him. But those are just little things. Plus, and above all reasons here, and to make things clear, I’m not being some self-righteous person here, but if I’m gonna be in a relationship, I want that relationship to glorify God. Sounds really “Oh-Miss-Pefecto!”, but for me, three strands that unites a rope is better that two. And the best third-party in a relationship is God.
Then, I’ve been listening to kids rehearsing some “Make-Love-Not-War” song for a week. It’s really cute to hear those kids’ voices in sync. I remember when I used to sing the same song when I was on the same age. I had this kind of thinking that what if the terrorists hear that song, will it make them stop all their shenanigans? Will hearing and seeing kids singing that song make their hearts melt, or what? I’m just thinking those possibilities. And as I aged, I realized that war is something history can’t escape. There was war then and there is war now. That it’s not just about song talking about peace and killing and bombing, and terrorizing, it’s a battle more than guns and tanks. That war is a battle of belief. A battle of principles. And as long as people are subjective, war is present. All is fair in love and war. Battles between Marxism and Capitalism, Religions, Races, Sovereignties, Families, and some between personal interest and interest of majority, and somehow, someway, those things are can’t be saved by a song. But yeah, it’s not the end of the world yet. And who am I to conclude? Barely an observation and realization, not a judgment.
Last among many thoughts and power of over-thinking and clouded mind is fear. Okay, to make things a little catchier, let’s put Scarecrow from The Batman in the picture. Sometimes, fear is created by someone around us to make himself a lot powerful than us. Corrupting our minds with things that cripples us by achieving or simply, doing something. Until we see ourselves living behind bars of the asylum created by our fears. But most often, those fears are created by our own powerful minds. It is us who make such thoughts that disabled us for reaching something. We are signing up on the asylum unconsciously, without realizing that our fear is not exactly towards something, but what might happen because of that thing. You are not afraid of heights but you are afraid to fall. You’re not afraid to the swim but you’re afraid to drown, you are not afraid to love but you are afraid to get hurt. And most often, those things we fear never really happens. Those fears exists only inside our heads (Now, you realized how powerful human mind is?). Fear is a decoy created by our minds. I’m not saying that I don’t have fears. As a matter of fact I have tons. From shallow things to profound ones. Fears that I created most of and some are developed by life experiences. I’m scared. But little by little, I’m trying my best to conquer it. I’m trying to pull the trigger, not on my head, but to those things. Brandon Flowers’s song said “Our dreams will break the boundaries of our fears”. It takes a stimulant, a motivación, a power, a gut to finally fire that gun and kill it. And conquer it. And as of now, I’m still learning the art of it. I’m scared, which is good, it only means I’m intellectual. Only mindless can’t feel fear. Said the teacher in Magic Temple film.
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do and your plan will succeed”- Proverb 16:3
After accomplishing thesis. I need to work on my demo for my educational setting OJT, it’s my final requirement before leaving the professor I was assigned to. The truth is I really want to be an intern (apprentice) of that professor. I know that I will learn a lot from her. Just the fact that she’s handling difficult subject hesitates me. Come on, it’s statistics! Five-unit subject with lab, how will I teach that?!? I know I can’t. I’m incapacitated. But there’s one big power beyond surviving that demo. It’s not easy, like thesis, there are sleepless nights. I even experienced having just an hour of sleep before the demo. And my topic to discuss? Linear Regression with tons technical matters! Like, “really?!?! Can I just explain Standard Deviation and Percentile Rank?” but no, of course.
Here’s a screencap of my PPT Presentation
I’m studying Regression and preparing my PowerPoint Presentation ‘til 4AM. The first class I’m about to teach is 7:30 in the morning, thinking an hour and half of sleep perhaps may help me to charge some energy until 6PM. Then my professor didn’t receive the PPT I’ve emailed her. Since I don’t have a comfy laptop to bring at school, I need to borrow one. But where on this planet will I find one at 6 in the morning? That morning I’m experiencing somatoform. I feel cold, nauseated, and knives are rioting on my stomach. “I’m sick, I can’t make it!” But for some reasons, I woke up and prepare for the day. I feel so unprepared in general and everything seems falling apart!
I’m so thankful for experiencing it. And I feel so great for overcoming it. I’ve learned from Miss Gessy more than the academics. She provides all the things I should learn from this internship. From teaching and beyond. That’s what the real teacher supposed to be. Thanks to her, of course. (plus the patience and considerations.)
Summary of the my Student’s Evaluation from 1-4 (4 is the highest) and if they will recommend me as their teacher.
Due to sleepless nights and overworked, I’ve earned facial blemishes. Yay!
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me
After a year of doing our research in partial fulfillment of our course, B.S Psychology, from title proposal, easy breezy title defense, mock defenses, brainstorming, defense of first three chapters to data gatherings, conceptualizing, tons of revising and rewriting, and final defense. As we’re constructing our theories, we’re also starting to form a new friendship. I can say that we’ve learned beyond academics, but also in life. Thesis making is one hard, yet one great thing to be experienced by college students.
What?!?! Who I am kidding, some might say. But in my part, I’ve enjoyed it. It’s not easy; you’ll have to sacrifice things to make it. You’ll spend night ‘til dawn conceptualizing, typing, checking, rewriting, reviewing your paper, then still, when your adviser checked it, you’re write up is missing something, is not fully enough with details, wrong at some part. And you’ll have that kind of cycle for a month, but if it wasn’t because of those corrections, that cycle, we wouldn’t have fully understanding towards our paper. And those days and nights polishing our papers, some of us missed the cuddling moments with significant others, and in my side, I have to say no to jam invitations by my bandmates, stop the moments with the book I’m currently reading, have to be absent on some subjects and sometimes OJT. But in return, here we go, cheering and spreading the good news! The moment we heard the panels say “Congratulations, you passed the final defense” is like the moment when surgeon saved his patient after a fatal surgery.
But I know that it’s not us who really made it. There’s a great power behind this success. The same power who brought our Savior back to life. The same power that raised Jesus from death more than two thousand years ago is available to us up until now, and we’re so bless to accept and experience it. All the credits to God! He’s really one faithful God, and He will never disappoint you. Thank you to all those people who helped us in making this research possible. To our thesis adviser, Sir Benzon Aruta, whose passion is to polish and make the research perfect, with his smart-criticism and helpful ideas. Ivy’s mum, who’s with us on those sleepless nights, sharing her point of views and knowledge in thesis-making. Parents’ financial support, of course. And to those people who prayed for us, cheered us up before the final defense. THANK YOU WONDERFUL CREATURES OF THIS PLANET!
So this is it, little by little I should make a move to get over that dude. I mean, it’s not bad at all. Lessons learned, a Win-Win situation. If it’s not for you, it’s not for you. I just wish that things didn’t end up with lies and cover-ups. It hurts, of course, but I’m not gonna live my life with pain and hatred that he caused. I won’t give him a privilege to make me experience such thing without doing a shit.
This planet has many better things to offer, and sometimes it happens in serendipity. So far, there are tons of matters that I should work on. Acads, adventures, making myself better, and other stuffs. I said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m a smart, strong, and independent woman and I don’t need a man to make me prove my worth.
Time to blow you a kiss and wave you goodbye.
Thank’s for the adventure. Hope you enjoyed it. :)
This is not my top ten favorite male musicians, it just happened that I love the voices of this men. Very Exceptional.
10. Brian Molko, Placebo, Scottish
There’s about his voice that I can’t barely explain. Like he’s drugged when he’s singing, like his vocal chords is so “scratchy” (Sorry, I can’t find an adjective to describe it). He looks like a vampire and sing like a contemporary one. Listen
9. Paolo Nutini, British
This British singer gives justice to folk music of this generation. His song is perfect to add either on your summer or rainy day soundtrack or road trip playlist. Listen
8. Rico Blanco, Filipino
I don’t know how can a singer play with his voice the way Rico Blanco does it. He can make it calming, edgy, do his superb falsetto, and of course, most people have noticed that his voice resembles to Chris Martin’s, though he still have his own trademark. Listen
7. Jason Mraz, American
I’m sure he is one of the artists of your Summer Playlist. He’s soothing voice makes you want to fall in love, his voice sounds as optimistic as his song, and I don’t know how could that be. Listen
6.Bamboo Mañalac, Filipino
If voice has a face, Bamboo’s voice is surely good-looking. Exceptional. You’ll surely fall in love with this man’s voice in different way. I can’t compare him to any other singer because that voice, that kind of voice…is unique. Listen
5.Liam Gallagher, Oasis (1991-2009), British
Whether you agree or not that Liam Gallagher is a John Lennon’s copycat (which is I don’t agree), these two great musicians have something in common when it comes to singing voice, but why Liam? Why not John? It’s something personal, I should say, that Liam’s voice gave me this kind of unexplained eargasm. Listen
4.Brandon Boyd, Incubus, American
As I said, we are talking about voice here, not the musician himself. I know you expect me to put him on my number 1, but sorry to disappoint you. I love his jazzy voice and how playful he is when it comes to using it. Another good-looking voice in his own way. Listen
3.Morrisey,The Smiths (1982-1987), British
This is the kind of voice that this generations of singers can’t barely give. Yes he sounds “oldies” but freaking goodies. Plus without that kind of singing voice, I bet you’ll be having a hard time to feel every line of his songs. Listen
2.Brandon Flowers, The Killers, American
This man’s voice is as hot as he looks and as hot as the way he owns the stage. Very freaking hypnotic. I sometimes resembles the quality of his voice to Morrissey’s, but of course, there’s a lot of difference. He sounds vintage. Something from 40s to 80s, I don’t when and how to explain it. Sorry. Listen
1.Jeff Buckley, American
If I can marry a voice, I will surely propose to this man’s voice (Well I’ll chase this man if he’s still living). I wish my singing voice is the female counterpart of Jeff Buckley’s. He can sing rock music with the touch of opera/classical which is kinda amazing. I choose live video for you to LISTEN, so you’ll understand why he is my number one.